Thursday, August 27, 2020

Life in the city Essay

Life in the city is loaded with action. Promptly in the first part of the day several individuals surge out of their homes in the way ants do when their home is broken. Before long the avenues are loaded with traffic. Shops and workplaces open, understudies rush to their schools and the day’s work starts. The city presently pulsate with movement, and it is brimming with clamor. Several sight-diviners, traveler and others visit numerous spots of enthusiasm for the city while specialists from different pieces of the world shows up to execute business. At that point towards night, the workplaces and day schools start to close. Huge numbers of the shops excessively close. There is presently a scramble for transports and different methods for transport. Everybody is by all accounts in a rush to arrive at home. Because of this surge, numerous mishaps happen. One who has not been to the city before thinks that its difficult to move about right now. Before long, be that as it may, there is basically no movement in a few pieces of city. These parts are typically the business habitats. With the happening to night, another sort of movement starts. The lanes are currently loaded with beautiful lights. The air is cooler and life turns out to be all the more restful. Individuals currently look for diversion. Many visit the films, stops and clubs, while others remain inside to sit in front of the TV or tune in to the radio. Some visit companions and family members and some invest their energy understanding books and magazines. The individuals who are keen on governmental issues talk about the most recent political turns of events. Simultaneously, several wrongdoings are submitted. Cheats and looters who sit tight for the happening to night become dynamic, and setback slips upon many. For the covetousness of a couple, many are executed, and some live in consistent dread. To carry lawbreakers to equity, the officials of the law are consistently progressing. Laborers and other people who look for headway in their professions go to instructive foundations which are open till late in the night. Several them sit for different assessments consistently. The offices and openings that the individuals in the city need to assist their examinations and uncrease their insight into human issues are to be sure many. Accordingly, the individuals in the city are normally preferable educated over those of the town, where even a paper is once in a while hard to get. The city could, in this manner, be portrayed as a position of incessant action. Here, the dramatization of life is each day.

Saturday, August 22, 2020

The Culture of Cola: Social and Economic Aspects of a West African Domesticate :: Botany

The Culture of Cola: Social and Economic Aspects of a West African Domesticate The territory of study known as financial herbal science is a wide-going one, however is regularly worried about the connection among people and the plants they use for food and medication and crude materials for safe house, instruments and other material needs. Less frequently referenced, despite the fact that not so much disregarded, are those plants that might be seen principally as being of more subtle and direct material advantage to the individuals who use them. The nut of the cola tree gives a case of such a plant item, one of constrained healthful or material use, however being of extraordinary social significance. Among the different societies utilizing it, the cola nut assumes significant social jobs in for all intents and purposes each part of life, from birth to death. The cola tree has a place with the Sterculiaceae family and is indigenous to West Africa, particularly the countries of Sierra Leone, Liberia, Ivory Coast and Nigeria, however is discovered eastbound to Gabon and the Congo River Basin. The family Cola is included around forty species, yet the most normally utilized are Cola verticillata, C. anomala and C. nitida, with the last two being of the best monetary significance (Lovejoy, 1980). Cola is identified with the cacao tree, however is taller (up to 30-40 feet), and has smooth bark with longitudinal breaks and thick foliage with huge, rough oblongate leaves interchange on huge petioles. It has little cup-molded blossoms borne in groups on short pedicels in the leaf axils. Both male and androgynous blossoms are found, despite the fact that the last are practically female since the anthers are not dust shedding. The natural products are borne on youthful branches and structure a star-formed bunch of units, generally numbering five, wi th every follicle bearing 4-10 chestnut-sized seeds. C. nitida is dicotyledonous, while C. acuminata has multiple cotyledons, and may have at least six (McIlroy, 1963). Customarily, the nut is utilized as a masticatory in a way like that of betel-nut. Its prevalence is because of the a lot of caffeine and littler measures of theobromine, kolatin and glucose it contains, all of which go about as energizers and might be somewhat addictive (Lovejoy, 1980). Its energizer impact additionally makes it helpful as a craving suppressant, and it was regularly utilized as iron proportions for armed forces on the walk, permitting enormous separations to be voyage while conveying at least food (Sundstrom, 1966).

Friday, August 21, 2020

Sample topic about sleep problems

Sample topic about sleep problems Sample Essay Sleep Problems Research has suggested that sleep is important as it contributes to the health of an individual. People who sleep enough hours are said to have good health in terms of cognitive and physical health. There are various reasons that contribute to the hours an individual sleeps such as stress, the tasks a person is involved in among many others. This research is guided by the hypothesis: on average students at this college get less than 7 hours of sleep. This hypothesis came about after it was established that many of the students are overwhelmed during class time and therefore they doze in class as the lectures go on. I believe this is a constructive and useful topic or hypothesis, which seeks to provide insights on the sleeping patterns of students in colleges. The information concerning this research hypothesis will help to enhance understanding of the problem and therefore amicable solutions will be found to help the students to rest. Furthermore, this information will be used by other researchers to advance their research studies hence coming up with findings that will be of importance in future. Therefore, if this hypothesis is true, it will be useful in future studies as it will help to find out the reasons why this happens and how it affects the holistic development of the students cognitively, emotionally and physically. Data collection and analysis To be able to achieve the objectives of the study, it is important to collect data from various students and analyze it to find out how the variables relate. Data was collected from various students of different ages and gender. This was to ensure equal representation. Data was collected through questionnaires. Before administering the research, I sampled 20 students from different classes. The sample was done randomly to ensure that there was no bias. I sampled students by using a small piece of paper that was written number 1 to 20. The student who picked a paper labeled number one was included in the sample size. This process was done in the all the classes putting in mind gender. After getting required sample size, I formulated a questionnaire that had 3 questions pertaining to the hypothesis. The questionnaires were then administered to the sample group. They took 10 minutes to be filled by the students sampled. All the questionnaires were filled and afterward, I reviewed and an alyzed the responses. Even though there were some challenges in using the questionnaires such as resistance from some of the students to fill the questionnaires due to claims of busy schedules, I managed to convince them to spare the ten minutes which they did and therefore, helped me overcome the challenge that otherwise would have impacted negatively to my study. I used tables and graphs to present that data collected. The reason for choosing this method was that it is simple hence fostering understanding. Furthermore, it helps to facilitate analysis of the information or data collected. Discussion The results agreed with the original hypothesis. Therefore, the study proved the hypothesis correct that actually many of the students slept for less than 7 hours. Even though enough sleep is recommended, many students seem not to be concerned about these scientific findings. There are various reasons that contribute to many students sleeping less hours. The first reason is work pressure and avoiding disappointment of failing in their examination. Many of the students sleep fewer hours during exam periods as they try to revise their notes in preparation for the exams. The consequences of failing are severe and therefore, to ensure they avoid this, they end up extending their study time into nights that reduces the time they spent sleeping. Another reason that was given for sleeping for short hours is the time consumed on social media. Many of the students spent a lot of time watching their favorite television programs and playing video and computer games. Therefore, this takes surmou ntable time of students that makes them to sleep for fewer hours. Others sleep few hours due to studying. Some of the students taking difficult courses cited they sleep for short hours because they use most of their time revising their course work. Therefore, stress and the or volumes of work contribute to many of the students to sleep for few hours. The success of this study was attributed the scrutiny and dedication in which the researcher conducted the study. Questions were simple and sample size collected had good representation. Therefore, this led to its successful completion. Therefore, if another study was to be carried out, the researcher believes that there may not be any significant different results from the current findings. If I was to change, then I will have to change the students in the sample so that I use a new set of students to be able to compare the result to determine whether the study was a true representation. Therefore, the implications that the findings have on the results is positive. The results obtained show a clear picture of the real situation and therefore can be used by other researchers to advance their studies or it can be adopted by the school management to ensure that they provide a positive leadership that will ensure that students sleeps for more than 7 hours. Conclusion Sleeping is healthy and important. Having enough sleep especially among students is important as it allows the student time to relax and refresh for other lessons. It allows students to develop good listening and conceptualizing skills. Therefore, there is no excuse why the students are not sleeping enough hours. This study is a witness or rather a prove that students in the college do not sleep for more than 7 hours. There are various factors that have contributed to this including: high work pressure, stress, and fear to fail exams. Other reasons include too much use of the social media among others. Therefore, for these problems to be solved, it requires appropriate intervention measures. I must say that this study is an instrumental to my life. It has helped me to understand various problems that affect students and which deters them from achieving their goals. Pressure work, stress and even overuse of technology are causing many of the students to sleep for fewer hours. This stu dy has therefore been instrumental as it can be adopted by various learning institutions, which can use it to address some of the problems that many students face. Sleep is important and the students, the teacher and the management should respect it. This will help find appropriate solution to the problem of students sleeping for less hours.

Monday, May 25, 2020

Video Games As Tools For Music Learning Adam Reyher - Free Essay Example

Sample details Pages: 4 Words: 1078 Downloads: 9 Date added: 2019/04/26 Category Entertainment Essay Level High school Tags: Video Games Essay Did you like this example? For as much length of time that pop culture has been near, most educators are obliged to state Quit concentrating such a great amount on computer games and get your work done!. So what happens when we figure out how to include the exercises individuals love to do as a solid lead to appropriate teaching style? Adam Reyhers thesis from Popular Culture and Video Games as Tools for Music Learning presents that â€Å"Relationships are like sharks: they have to keep moving forward or they die. â€Å"For music education to remain relevant and provide value, it too must change with the times or experience the fate of the stationary shark.†(1) It concerns the significance of how to make music instruction important. At first this paper gives itself as a window into what great can emerge out of by being educated by out-of-the-crate strategies as it invigorates the intelligence of students. Reyher states, We accomplish this with innovative music lessons- choosing to incorporate concepts that entice and please students while still providing a valuable and educationally sound experience (1). These distinctive strategies demand enhancing the training structure by utilizing present day and conventional interests, this situation incorporates Nintendo Wii video game to show of what potential the games carry. Games can be useful because it allows students to get instant responses, feedback and practice sessions. This connects with the ease to students and their interests combined. There are many advantages of using it like providing feedback, it automatically collects information like student’s ability and allow the instructor to spend time on that student. It is most helpful in group participation and competitions. It is one of innovative sources to use in the classroom. Article mostly focuses on how the various forms of games have their unique effect. The idea presented is that the traditional ways combined with the new technology can help teachers to teach the music which is more updated and relevant till date. Reyhers composed piece for the Music Educators Journal demonstrates his case with dependable precedents from his very own encounters. A basic purpose of his article includes present day culture as a staple to deep immersion of students with the fortifications of music goals, for example, with the consideration of computer games. The creator invigorates his point of view with the case of the computer game, Rhythm Heaven Fever, a rhythm game for the Wii gaming console developed by Nintendo Co., where it involves music with intuitive instances of beat and mood, The player utilizes the Wii remote to include the best possible rhythmic sets and patterns utilizing blend of any one- or two button combinations possible. In the event that the player gives off base info (rhythm, steady beat, etc.), the game will necessitate the activity to be rehearsed until amended. In the wake of finishing the practice, the real game starts. T hroughout the game, the game gives opinion, including onscreen character responses, negative aural alarms, and negative visual cautions, for example, moans, glares, or jumping by the characters. The author depicts the computer game as an amusement hole, however has cleared a street for youthful people to get a handle on the learning of rhythm, beat, chords and basic music theory. Since Rhythm Heaven Fever does not give dynamic criticism, the instructor and friends can take an interest and provide knowledge with their own assessments. A restricting hypothesis says that these practices of utilizing computer games may end up jumbled and with this may present more harm to learning process over the long haul. A case of this would knowledge understudies jumping into the diversion without further investigation of the training then they miss on the calculated learning. A alarm of this event, in any case, should not keep music instructors from incorporating contemporary culture and techno logical assets into their classrooms, Reyher handles that in the event that a rational educational goal and result is arranged, it forces an useful experience instead of wasted instructional time, Instructors can make different sorts of lesson plans utilizing computer games, incorporating plans with individual and team work but also assigning objectives, instructors can equip their students with energizing and advancing musical experience that explain vital concepts in a significant way.. From a typical point of view of the person who is unaware of the most recent patterns that motivate learners to learn and develop is to realize that the pop culture has given a solid impact to educators willing to philosophize, make hypotheses and put them on repeat. Current systems have considerable evidence that these practices have turned into an achievement in the territory of formal instruction. At last, presence of computer games, music and cell phone have positive advantages on learning a nd memorizing. A case study uncovers that kids who are keen on cell phones may be increasingly drawn in with scholarly material exhibited on smart phones instead of causal paper. Singapore pursues the case of this hypothesis by permitting a agreeable game referred to as EcoRangers as a learning instrument. The amusement is at first intended for advanced mobile phones, and it was transformed into the social investigations program for school grades nine and ten. This demonstration brought about progressively energized students association, and the schoolchildren started to understand that they took in the material for a formal instructive environment. In general, Reyher claims to his readers with his understanding as a tutor that needs to comprehend his students. He develops his hypothesis with his prime concern on the students and what they appreciate, Music teachers are not confined to computer games or other explicit innovations. Interesting lectures can be made by gathering m otivation from different regions in contemporary culture. The author of this article justifies his proposition, eventually turning it into a positive engagement. Reyhers training surely demonstrates that it is helpful to music theory by enabling students to be occupied with their lessons and motivate improvement inspired in a friendly competition environment. Clear and compact, the author shares his individual learning strategies make it fun and an intuitive learning practice, not limited to computer games, but rather films, shows, famous music and TV. A knowledgeable society can keep up with being more than just organized, however a careful knowledge among every student, this begins by coordinating with modern generation by including what their world revolves around. Music teachers are not limited to computer games or other explicit advancements. Inventive and interesting lessons can be made with motivation from different zones in present-day society! Don’t waste time! Our writers will create an original "Video Games As Tools For Music Learning Adam Reyher" essay for you Create order

Thursday, May 14, 2020

LEssentiel - Essential French Phrases

Even if youre just going to France for a week, you should know some survival French - a few essential words and phrases that youll use over and over. This is a somewhat miscellaneous list of the basics, so be sure to follow the links at the end for even more essential French like hello and please.Je parle (un peu de) franà §ais  Ã‚  Ã‚  I speak (a little) French.Parlez-vous anglais ?  Ã‚  Ã‚  Do you speak English?Comment ?  Ã‚  Ã‚  What?Je ne comprends pas.  Ã‚  Ã‚  I dont understand.Que veut dire ___ ?  Ã‚  Ã‚  What does ___ mean?Rà ©pà ©tez, sil vous plaà ®t.  Ã‚  Ã‚  Repeat, please.Plus lentement  Ã‚  Ã‚  More slowlyEncore une fois  Ã‚  Ã‚  One more timeComment dit-on ___ en franà §ais  ?  Ã‚  Ã‚  How do you say ___ in French?Je ne sais pas  Ã‚  Ã‚  I dont knowJai une question  Ã‚  Ã‚  I have a questionJai un problà ¨me  Ã‚  Ã‚  I have a problemoui  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  yesnon  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  nosi  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  yes (in reponse to a negative question)daccor d  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  OKet  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  andou  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  orqui  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  whoquoi  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  what*quand  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  whenoà ¹Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  wherepourquoi  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  whycomment  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  how*Be careful, there are several ways to say what in French. Practice Essential French Vocabulary Essential French quizCrossword puzzleWord seek More essential French 100 essential French wordsEssential French gesturesEssential French grammarEssential French phrasesEssential French verbsEssential French for travelersHow to say ___ in French For more in-depth study, check out French for Beginners.

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Essay on hamlet final - 1107 Words

Emma Johns Mrs. Tiffany Perkins English II Honors 14 May 2014 Hamlet Final Essay The tragedy of Hamlet by William Shakespeare brilliantly recounts the tale of feigned and true madness as it delves into themes of betrayal, incest, revenge, moral corruption, and death. The play, set in the kingdom of Denmark, gives an account of how Prince Hamlet seeks exact revenge on his uncle Claudius, for murdering his own brother and Prince Hamlet’s father. After assassinating King Hamlet, Claudius succeeds the throne and becomes joined in holy matrimony to King Hamlet’s widow and Prince Hamlet’s mother, Queen†¦show more content†¦Hamlet’s image of Claudius reveals the extensive amount of disgust that he has for the man who has married his mother. Later on in the play, when actors arrive at the castle, Hamlet requests that they do a speech that he once heard. This speech happens to be the tale that Aenes told Dido about the murder of Priam. Hamlet starts the speech himself but then lets the actor take control who recites , â€Å"Unequal matched/ Pyrrhus at Priam drives†¦. The ‘unnerved father falls†(2.2.458-461). Here, it is possible that Hamlet is comparing Pyrrhus to himself and Priam to Claudius. In the story of Pyrrhus and Priam, Pyrrhus has come to the city of Troy in order to avenge the death of his father by killing the Trojan King Priam. At one point in the tale, Pyrrhus hesitated with his sword in the air when he had the chance to kill Priam right then. This is similar to act three scene three where Hamlet almost takes Claudius’ life with his dagger while he is praying but halts mid-strike. Another possibility is that Hamlet is comparing Pyrrhus to Claudius and Priam to King Hamlet. Even though Claudius didn’t murder King Hamlet with a sword, they were unequally matched as King Hamlet was asleep when Claudius poisoned him. Hamlet is drawing a parallel between the murder of Prium by Pyrrhus, and the murder of his father at the hands of Claudius. The speech abo ut Pyrrhus and Priam plays a very important role in the play. Up untilShow MoreRelatedHamlet Cause and Effect Essay1716 Words   |  7 Pagesmislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible (Roff).† Hamlet is a dramatic production written by William Shakespeare. â€Å"The play, set in the Kingdom of Denmark, recounts how Prince Hamlet exacts revenge on his uncle Claudius for murdering the old King Hamlet, Claudiuss own brother and Prince Hamlets father, and then succeeding to the throne and marrying Gertrude, the King Hamlets widow and mother of Prince Hamlet (Hamlet†).† Shakespeare’s main objective was to impress his ElizabethanRead MoreHarold Bloom Says The Genius Of Shakespeare Is That â€Å"Characters1325 Words   |  6 PagesHarold Bloom says the genius of Shakespeare is that â€Å"Characters develop rather than unfold, and they develop because they reconceive themselves† (The Invention of the Human XVII). Shakespeare’s tragedy H amlet, shows the development of Hamlet within the land of Denmark. Hamlet goes through many changes throughout the five acts, but these changes are not entirely due to the events of the play, but rather to Hamlet’s confrontations with himself. He battles with his mind through soliloquys, he overhearsRead More Hamlet As An Aristotelian Tragedy Essay581 Words   |  3 Pagesthat causes the downfall the hero. Shakespeares Hamlet, Prince of Denmark can be seen as an Aristotelian tragedy and Hamlet as its tragic hero. Hamlets flaw, which in accordance with Aristotles principles of tragedy causes his demise, is his inability to act. This defect of Hamlets character is displayed throughout the play. In the opening scenes of the play, the Ghost of old Hamlet reveals the truth about his death to his son, and tells Hamlet to avenge the murder. Hamlets first response isRead MoreShakespeares Hamlet: compare and contrast Hamlet vs. Laertes1410 Words   |  6 Pagesuniqueness, style, and way of life. The audience witnesses this phenomenon in Shakespeares Hamlet. Lord Hamlet and Laertes experienced similar childhoods, and shared similar family attributes. They were both born into royalty and throughout their lives were treated as such. Hamlet and Laertes were reared with the same forms of schooling, and were taught to abide by the same ethics and morals. Although Hamlet and Laertes seem to be twined with regard to family, royalty, and school, it is evidentRead MoreThe Tragic Flaw of Hamlet Essay792 Words   |  4 PagesThe Tragic Flaw of Hamlet One of the greatest works in literature, Shakespeares Hamlet has been the topic of controversial discussion ever since it was written. The controversies range from Is Hamlet truly mad, to Is Hamlet really in love with Ophelia. The most intriguing topic of discussion though, is Hamlets fatal flaw. As in all Shakespearean works, there is always a tragic hero. This hero is always the person that the audience comes to love, however every tragic hero has to haveRead More Imagery of Disease and Decay in Hamlet Essays1069 Words   |  5 PagesImagery of Disease and Decay in Hamlet  Ã‚     Ã‚  Ã‚   William Shakespeare found that imagery was a useful tool to give his works greater impact and hidden meaning. In Hamlet, Shakespeare used imagery to present ideas about the atmosphere, Hamlets character, and the major theme of the play. He used imagery of decay to give the reader a feel of the changing atmosphere. He used imagery of disease to hint how some of the different characters perceived Hamlet as he put on his antic disposition. And finallyRead MoreFeminism in both Hamlet and Lady Oracle Essay1179 Words   |  5 PagesThe literary works, Hamlet and Lady Oracle, chart both the life’s course of their main characters and underline the protagonist’s trajectory in some decisive moments of their existence, when both of them, Hamlet and Joan Foster, need to take some decisions which may change their destinies. In this brief essay I will try to point out similarities and differences between these two stories taking into consideration a feminist approach. First and foremost I would like to mention what do I mean byRead More Comparing the Tragedies of Hamlet, Oedipus the King, and Death of a Salesman1023 Words   |  5 PagesComparing the Tragedies of Hamlet, Oedipus the King, and Death of a Salesman The tragedies Hamlet, Oedipus the King, and Death of a Salesman have strikingly different plots and characters; however, each play shares common elements in its resolution. The events in the plays’ closings derive from a tragic flaw possessed by the protagonist in each play. The downfall of each protagonist is caused by his inability to effectively cope with his tragic flaw. The various similarities in the closingRead MoreVengeance Shall Be Mine Essay842 Words   |  4 Pagesthe best or some change for the worst. Hamlet is an individual constantly watched because of his change of behavior, speech and thinking. Many of his peers realize that Hamlet has changed for the worst and even gone mad. It is noticeable to many that Hamlet has the biggest character development in the text. Hamlet’s character undergoes many behavioral changes when he is told by his father to avenge his wrongful murder by killing Claudius. I believe Hamlets transformation by revenge is a three s tageRead MoreHamlet1304 Words   |  6 Pagesunderlying themes of revenge, incest, and suicide, William Shakespeare’s Hamlet was remembered by many Elizabethan Era viewers as both a philosophical and oft-debated masterpiece (Dickson). These controversial themes attracted viewers everywhere, enticing them to see the play. One scene in particular from the original text of the play where this proves true is act IV, scene iv, lines 31-65, in which the titular character Hamlet decides that the time for revenge is at hand in an insightful soliloquy

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Not the EndBut the Beginning Essay Example For Students

Not the EndBut the Beginning Essay I closed my eyes and gripped the blade tightly in my shaking hand, taking in a deep breath, trying to hold back my tears. I pressed the point firmly into my wrist and exhaled as I made a nice, clean cut among many other now faded scars. As I opened my eyes to watch the blood ooze from the new line in my arm, the waterfall of tears poured out, taking my black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks with them. All the pain and stress of the day that built up inside me, was released with the blood. The burning in my arm took away from the agony burning inside my heart. I longed for death. I longed for the feeling of nothing. All the grief lifted off my shoulders and my spirit set free. I watched with a grin as the thick red fluid dripped to the floor. I imagined each drop as every bad thought that ever crossed my mind. As every person who refused to sit next to me in class, or even talk to me. As every heartbreak I ever had the misfortune of going through. All of the negative inside me trickled down to the ground. My thoughts were shattered as I felt my wrist burning more than usual. I looked down at the mess as my blood gushed out. I hadnt realized how deep I had gone. I had never gone this deep before. I dropped the blade and held my wrist trying to get the blood to stop. I didnt know what to do. I was losing so much blood. I knew this was the end. My floor was soaked in the red liquid and all I could do was sit there and watch as my life drained out of me. I grabbed my pill bottle and, with a shaky breath, swallowed every pill in the bottle. I didnt want to wait until I ran out of blood. This would be faster. I closed my eyes and imagined what my parents would say when they found me. Would they be surprised? They never even knew I was a cutter. Would they even care? I breathed out a sigh. A sigh of both fear and relief. It was finally over. I had longed for this day for many years. Deaths sting had finally got its hold on me. I wasnt expecting for this to be the end, but I was glad it was finally time. No more pain. No more having to pretend I was okay when inside I felt like my life was already over, there was no hope left. I crawled through the puddle of red that now surrounded me and obtained the suicide letter that I had written many months ago. It was folded up and stashed inside the journal I kept. It read, If you havent noticed the scars on my wrists, or the fake smile I live with, or the forced laugh that Ive adopted, or the way that I dont care about the things I used to love, then dont you dare stand at my grave and cry. How can you cry for someone you didnt even know? Not your average suicide letter. But it was all I had to say to the people I was leaving behind in this messed-up world. I stared down at the scars permanently etched into my skin. Each one with its own painful memory; each its own battle scar of a loss I encountered. It had become a daily routine. When I felt as if I couldnt cry anymore, I forced my skin to cry instead. My brain flooded with terrible memories of every second of every day. I thought back to grade 3, the first time I got called ugly. I wept for hours. In grade 5, some kids taped a sign to my desk that read, Beware of dog. From that day forward, I became the quiet kid in the back of class. When I was 13, I cut for the first time. I remember it clearly. I was walking home from school when the girl who hated me since elementary school drove by and called me the b word and threw her Taco Bell wrappers at me that had sauce, and cheese still on them. .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .postImageUrl , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .centered-text-area { min-height: 80px; position: relative; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:hover , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:visited , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:active { border:0!important; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .clearfix:after { content: ""; display: table; clear: both; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 { display: block; transition: background-color 250ms; webkit-transition: background-color 250ms; width: 100%; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 250ms; webkit-transition: opacity 250ms; background-color: #95A5A6; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:active , .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:hover { opacity: 1; transition: opacity 250ms; webkit-transition: opacity 250ms; background-color: #2C3E50; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .centered-text-area { width: 100%; position: relative ; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .ctaText { border-bottom: 0 solid #fff; color: #2980B9; font-size: 16px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0; padding: 0; text-decoration: underline; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .postTitle { color: #FFFFFF; font-size: 16px; font-weight: 600; margin: 0; padding: 0; width: 100%; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .ctaButton { background-color: #7F8C8D!important; color: #2980B9; border: none; border-radius: 3px; box-shadow: none; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 26px; moz-border-radius: 3px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: none; width: 80px; min-height: 80px; background: url(https://artscolumbia.org/wp-content/plugins/intelly-related-posts/assets/images/simple-arrow.png)no-repeat; position: absolute; right: 0; top: 0; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:hover .ctaButton { background-color: #34495E!important; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .centered-text { display: table; height: 80px; padding-left : 18px; top: 0; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689 .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689-content { display: table-cell; margin: 0; padding: 0; padding-right: 108px; position: relative; vertical-align: middle; width: 100%; } .u736789e5503168e65e632e94b37b4689:after { content: ""; display: block; clear: both; } READ: What Is Truth? EssayI dont know what I did to her to make her hate me so much, but when I got home, and looked in the mirror at my puffy eyes, I understood. I have hated myself ever since. I started therapy in 8th grade and had a personality made up of tests and pills. Every time I came home from school with splotchy make-up, my parents would tell me to get over it. As if depression is something that can be remedied by any of the contents found in a first-aid kit My brain jumped to the idea that no one would stand at my funeral and weep. I never let anyone in to get to know the real me. Not because I didnt want to, but because I was scared. Scared of being judged by the way I look. Scared of coming to trust someone and having them rip my heart out, tear in into a million pieces and set it on fire. I was scared because it happened before. I pushed my friends away because one person ruined my outlook on all relationships. The one person I had ever told my deepest secrets. The one person I thought would always be there. Would always love me, just the way I am. And I was stupid enough to love him back. I thought he would be the one to change my emptiness inside. I should have known I would never mean a thing to him. I should have known I would end up on my bedroom floor, blood gushing out from the cut I made in my wrist, over a boy who will never love me the way I love him. I now understand why they say never to put everything you have into one person, because if they leave, you have nothing. I never knew that someone could make me feel like the most amazing person alive, then leave without a second glance. Am I really that easy to forget? Society says to follow your heart but if your heart is shattered into a million little pieces, which piece do you follow? That is why I wont let anyone in anymore and I push everyone who loves me away. I cant go through that again. The only way I knew to release the pain of heartbreak and loneliness that built up underneath my skin, was to open it and let it pour out. Not what my therapist suggested, but what did she know? She told me it would be okay. Yeah, because its not happening to you, was all I thought. I never opened up to her in my four years of going there; she had no idea what I was going through. I had always wondered if other people knew what it was like to look in the mirror and despise what they saw. To wish they were somebody else. To loath themselves. I doubted it. All the people I had ever met were perfectly content with their lives. If someone bothered to notice I was sad they would tell me to just be happy. Like I choose to just be depressed all the time. Someone once asked me what it was like to be depressed. I looked at them through the hair that hid my face and explained, Depression is like a tornado, theres nothing you can do but sit and wait, and finally when the storm is overyou are left with the destruction. The scars on your body, the puffy eyes from crying, the exhaustion from fighting a losing battle, its consuming. I tried to push away the memories and come back to the present. When I came back into reality, I was lying on a gurney with paramedics rushing me to the ambulance outside my house. I heard one of them say, Failed suicide attempt. I heard my mother crying out to me and my father yelling at her to let the professionals handle it. Flashing lights lit up the dark neighborhood and people were watching from their front yards. At that moment, I knew it wasnt over.